Recently I was asked how I would respond to someone who had lost an infant. What would I say to her when she asked, "Is my baby in heaven?" I have to admit I was caught off guard by the questions, and I realized quickly as we discussed the situation that there is sometimes a conflict between raw theology and the everyday needs of the heart.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying theology takes second place to comfort and everyday needs. Nor am I saying that the two don't agree and that theology is somehow only a head thing and doesn't apply to reality. What I am saying is that the black and white categories into which we sometimes paint theology don't always answer for the task of soul care. I've learned that God's grace plays an important role in how we apply our theology biblically to our souls.
So what should I say to this dear woman or her husband when they ask that heart wrenching question? My initial response was to comfort them with an assurance that God is sovereign and good, and therefore, we must take our refuge in him. We don't know the answer to this question, and I can't give you an assurance that your child is in heaven.
My response stems from my theology. We are all born with a corrupt heart and therefore subject to the wrath of God. Only the elect are saved. Logically (here is our problem sometimes) not all infants that die are elect so not all infants that die go to heaven. By the way, I think this logic is good. Sharing it with a grieving mother and father might not be so appropriate.
But someone might protest, "What about David and his infant son, can we not claim his confidence too?" Here is where it gets tough for me. I know about this passage of scripture in 2 Samuel 12:15-23. While his son was sick, David refused to eat or drink and lay on the ground weeping night and day. When his son died he arose, cleaned himself, worshipped God and ate a meal. Those around him questioned his behavior. They had expected even worse mourning than they had seen while the boy was ill. They asked David for an explanation and his response was, "While the child was still alive, I fasted and wept; for I said, ‘Who knows, the Lord may be gracious to me, that the child may live.’ But now he has died; why should I fast? Can I bring him back again? I will go to him, but he will not return to me.”
This last statement, “I will go to him” gives many a confidence that infants who die may go to heaven. The logic is this; David was a believer in God and therefore would go to heaven. So, if he had confidence that he would see his son in the afterlife, then his infant son was in heaven too.
Now most will admit that this is a weak basis on which to build their doctrine on this issue, but then again, it really is one of a few places that we get an indication of what happens to infants when they die. There is Jesus’ statement in Matthew 19:14 that gives some hope, but again this is not a strong proof.
The question is, “Did David believe that his infant son was in heaven?” It is doubtful that David had as developed of a concept of the afterlife as New Testament Christians have. Throughout the Old Testament, the afterlife is called Sheol and is described as a single place for the dead to spend eternity. Jacob, when he thought that Joseph had been killed by wild beast stated, “Surely I will go down to Sheol in mourning for my son. (Gen 37:35)” He thought he would die from his sorrow and the place of his eternity was Sheol. Job believed that when he died he would go to Sheol (Job 7:8-10), and he believed that everyone, including miscarried infants, the wicked, the rich, the weary, princes and kings, they all go to Sheol (Job 3:13-19). It was not until much later that the understanding of two separate divisions in Sheol and then later a heaven and a hell began to be prominent in the view of eternity for God’s people.
Because of this, and because of the integrity with which I seek to bring to theology and it’s application to life, I can’t rest on David’s statement as any hope at all that infants who die go to heaven. So where does this leave me? Really, I am back where I started. The answer that I thought was weak is now what I believe to be the most comforting answer for the believer.
God is sovereign. God is just. God is merciful, God is good. God keeps his own council on to whom he shows mercy and to whom he leaves to the just rewards of their sinful nature. I must rest in him as the source of my strength in times of trouble. Christ is my high priest and has suffered and been tempted like me and now intercedes for me at the throne of the Father and I must trust him to do that which will bring him the greatest glory and the me the greatest good, even if I do not understand how what he brought about in my life could possibly be good for me.
In the end I must say to you who have experienced the gut wrenching loss of an infant; I do not know the mind of God, nor do I pretend to see into his will for the eternal disposition of any single soul, but this I do know, that my God will not disappoint. Your faith in him must increase and so, I pray that he would grant you the faith necessary to rest in his perfect holiness never doubting that all the ways of God, though they be mysterious to us, are good and just and right, for his glory and our good.
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