Arguing vs. Debating

As I think about conflict in the work place, in the home and in the everyday relationships of life I am struck by the idea that there is a very basic difference between arguing and debating. Perhaps the words themselves don’t carry the difference that I see within their core meanings, but the way in which each activity is carried out and the reason for each activity has convinced me that they are different, and one is actually helpful, indeed necessary for success, while the other is harmful and even detrimental to success.

Arguing is what we do when we are simply contrary toward another person or a basically bull headed individual. We disagree with another person’s point of view or idea for a project because we don’t like them or their idea is not our idea. Clearly, it doesn’t take me to tell you that this is counterproductive in any business or relationship.

However, what strikes me as important is the very core difference found in debating as compared to arguing and the fact that debating may actually be a necessary ingredient for success in business and even relationships. Debating is a mutual event where two or more parties disagree in principle not because of personality. In the end both parties want the same thing, i.e. that which is best for the company, community, or relationship. They may disagree on how to achieve success, but in one thing they are united, success is essential and they need debate their way toward a course of action that will take them there. Debaters who have this mind frame are always willing to back away from their ideas when another idea is presented that is better and more capable achieving the goal because they are not more personally vested in their ideas than they are in the business or relationship.

The key question that arises from this idea is how do I become a debater and stop being an arguer? I really don’t know other than to say that it requires a personal change of heart toward the business or relationship and the self. I have to become confident enough to be humble and humble enough to believe that others present as much if not more value than I do. That’s not any easy thing to do, but it is a worthy cause to engage in.